Considerable Bullshit
by 15jbg
Summary: Clare decides to write about her and Eli after being dissatisfied with an english project. This is their story, but completely exaggerated, made up, fictional what have you.  Basically it's how I would have told their tale.. Rated M because its dirty


Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi :(

Ok so I see this story actually being kinda long... and I apologize if it isn't so "gripping" at first but I certainly expect an interesting turnout...

**Also this is based off of Clare and Eli's real relationship, but I made it how I would want it to be like if I owned Degrassi (always gonna be in Clare's POV)**

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For the purpose of entertaining, the following "anecdotes" will be, in truth, ridden with fictional elements; however, this said fact does not entail that I am an author of fantasy. I am an author of ideality. I peruse life, relationships, and identities, and within the walls of my imagination, twist my findings into a more superior way of recalling my past. It would certainly be a shame if all that I know and all that I love is exactly how the common angle perceives it. I should think I would hate to live in a world with a solid truth.

Despite my falsehoods, what you shall read is entirely derived from a storyline that I have, in short, lived by. I have scrutinized the personae of those the characters in the following "anecdotes" are built from, and though I adore many aspects of these people, again, for the purpose of entertainment, the personae of the factual individuals may differ greatly from those of my characters.

My intention behind retelling my story- though perhaps in another light- is not for closure with those whom I have wronged, or who have wronged me. I solely desire to keep document of the events that took place over the course of my adolescence. I obtained this idea from my English class. We had been assigned to write a personal essay, connecting the transformation of our character to a certain individual. I wrote the essay and handed it in, yet as the paper crossed from my possession to my English teacher's, I couldn't help but feel dissatisfied. Rest assured, this had nothing to do with my writing, oh heavens no, I was dissatisfied with the lack of excitement and extremities. So then I was compelled to go deeper with this assignment, for my own benefit of course (albeit I do hope to see this on a bestseller shelf one day). What you shall read, reader, is my life the way I wanted it to happen. I suppose a short intro would be nice. (NOTE: parents, if you are reading this **I am still a virgin, regardless if the following says otherwise**)

(The falsehoods begin now) My name is Clare Edwards. If you ever knew me, I was probably the most boring girl that EVER lived. Keyword: was. Studying, success, christianity, and "good-girlness" were the substantial portions of my childhood. I had one boyfriend, and because of my utterly vapid personality, he left me for a perky blonde. My best friend, Alli, is a whore. Keyword: is. That girl won't ever change. It was never precisely clear as to why we were friends in the first place; I figured once it began, it may as well continue, especially seeing as there weren't tons of people lining up to be my best bud. Okay, I'm actually depressing myself by talking about this. My point is, I was unattractive; I was the girl that you take home to mom when you're attempting to prove that you can settle down with the right push; I was the last resort for all guys.

The assignment was to choose a person who has affected the most transformation in your character. The funny thing is, when I was reading the assignment, I thought, "Hey, if I never met Eli, I would have chosen good old J.C. for this project." DUH! I almost hit myself over the head for my stupidity. ELI GOLDSWORTHY: the scheming, lying, cunning, sarcastic bastard that set my whole self through metamorphosis. You better believe it; this essay is about Eli.

The day I initially came across Eli, was the day Jenna, my ex's bitch, told everyone at Degrassi that I got a boob-job. You think people would have known me well enough to assume that Saint Clare isn't the breast enhancement type. Oh, but if one piece of gossip escapes the lips of an individual, no matter how senseless, the Degrassians pounce on it like predators.

What really happened is I got laser eye surgery. I convinced my parents by telling them some bullshit (notice my ability to curse now) about how it will help with my clumsiness. They gave in, seeing as they weren't too pleased with VERY inconsistent stability. I came to school all proud, hoping that now that I wasn't hiding behind my nerd-plexiglass, that guys may want to talk to me instead of treating me like I had the ebola virus. Guys were talking to me, a lot. It was getting a little anomalous. Alli was also dumbfounded as to why male attention was suddenly shifting towards your's truly.

So I'm standing at my locker, right? And then this heinous guy, Wesley, starts talking me up about my surgery. I'm nice to him, because I used to be nice to everybody, but inside I was screaming "EWWWW GO AWAY!" So then Wesley asks me something strange.

"Can I touch them?" Alright, creepy weirdo stalker boy, are you on crack?

"Um... I guess..?" Wesley's face lights up like he discovered his first boner. I close my eyes; I wasn't about to have him poking up in there. But then I feel the darnest thing, HANDS ON MAH BOOBS! I scream and smack his arm. He winces, rubs his tender bicep, and looks genuinely confused.

"I'm sorry, were they tender?" NO! This wasn't happening! He thought I got a... boob job? Who else thought that? I couldn't even breathe, my lungs wanted me to die. At the time, all that mattered to me was my precious reputation.

"Wait! You thought I got a boob job?" Horror struck my face.

"Everyone does..."

"I got my eyes fixed, idiot!" I was so unbelievably insulted. Nobody even noticed... "Who started this rumor?"

"Jenna." GRRRRR!

Alright, so Alli and I came up with a lovely way of showing Jenna who's boss. Though, looking back, I would have done something a little less... forgiving. I had the urge to retell the "payback" in a much more EXCITING way, but it's kind of off topic. So I'll skip ahead to when I meet Eli. This IS supposed to be about him and all.

So Alli and I were laughing about what had went down with Jenna. We were standing in the parking lot, reenacting the scene. I played Jenna this time. I was getting pretty theatrical: arms waving left and right, overdone facial expressions, and a shrill, nasally voice. I was stepping back and tripped on the pavement. Next thing I knew, my body was prostrate. It happened to fast for me to scream. Tires shrieked and my vision was clouded by a large black object, looming over me. I couldn't even process what had just happened, let alone do anything about it. I felt myself grow faint. I heard Alli crying hysterically followed by the slamming of a car door. I was scooped up by strong arms and then placed carefully inside a very dark vehicle. I heard a voice, but then I blacked out.

When I awoke, I was in a white room, which then I figured to be a hospital room. I groaned slowly, shutting my eyes. My left arm was in excruciating pain. I attempted to get out of the bed, but then two hands pushed my shoulders back. I opened my eyes again to see the most wonderful sight a teenage girl could ever awake to. He was angelic, perfect. He had bee-stung lips that I knew would fit perfectly against my own. He had a chiseled jaw, and as my eyes traced themselves up his face, they stopped when coming in contact with deep green orbs that sparkled with mischief. He brushed he dark, luscious bangs to the side.

He didn't speak, which I thought to be rather odd, seeing as HE was the stranger in MY hospital room. Didn't he figure I deserved an explanation? He just stood there, staring at me, and I at him. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore; I thought I would climax just from one more second of this bliss. I blushed and looked down.

"Who are you?" I managed shyly. He smirked and sat down on a chair next to my bed. HE leaned back and placed his elbows on either arm of the chair, bring his finger pads to meet the corresponding one from the opposite hand; he looked like one of those villains in movies.

"I'm the guy who almost ran you over, or at least did incompletely," he answered, motioning towards my left arm, which I now noticed was in a cast. This whole thing was really odd. I felt like I had been kidnapped or violated while I had been blacked out.

"Um... not to be like rude or anything, but um-"

"Where's your family? Why am I here?" I nodded with a slight smirk. "Well, when I hit you, the only other person around was the slutty crying girl. I told her I was taking you to the hospital, but forgot to ask for your name. So since I have no idea who my roadkill was, they couldn't contact your family. And I thought it would be a little TOO twisted to just leave you here alone." He smirked and I smiled.

"So what's your name?" I asked quietly without meeting his hard gaze.

"Eli," he breathed, "and you?"

"Oh, um... Cuh-Clare," I stammered. I mentally scolded myself for acting so childishly around him. There was no reason to be nervous, a super hot guy that like obviously has a girlfriend. I may as well just enjoy his company while it lasts.

"Well, Cuh-Clare, it's very nice to meet you, despite the circumstances." I giggled like an idiot and I noticed him roll his eyes before flipping his flow. Ah! So he was one of THOSE guys. I could tell he was confident either from genuine popularity, or self adoration. I guessed both.

I began to grow more and more conscious of my appearance. I was in no way suitable to seduce even the lowest of creatures. Dressed in extremely unflattering hospital gowns ( just as I was) one would have the ability too "woo" perhaps a horny boy of a scrawny build, yet even that was doubtful.

Not only was I inferior to him appearance-wise, but I noticed that the air was holding a very palpable force. I believed Eli to be aware of it just as much as I was. This force was one of power and dominance. The source of this invisible pressure was, of course, Eli himself. He emitted an overpowering strength that seemed to be grasping hold of my heart and contorting it in any way it pleased. It should have served as a fair warning to me that this seemingly flawless human was perhaps insincere. I was naive and did not understand the concept that one's appearance can be deceiving. I have never crossed paths with a duplicitous individual at that point in my life, so of course I was unsure how to spot one. Though it of course did not matter if I had identified Eli as tricky or not; his spell had already been cast and it is unlikely I could have prevented it.

I grew more comfortable around Eli, during the time we spent conversing in the hospital. Finally, a doctor came into see me and ask me who the hell I was. They contacted my parents and gave me some more pain meds. At some point throughout that process, Eli managed to slip out without my acknowledgement. I guess I was a little disappointed, but I understand. He didn't want to get shit from my parents for injuring their precious sweetheart. But we did talk a lot, and I discovered that he was just starting at Degrassi. It gave me comfort to know that I would see him again. I realized, though, that we had spent 98% of our conversation on myself. I still hardly knew him.

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**Reviews please! Let me know what you think :)**

**Sorry if that was really bad... i needed an introductory chapter it'll get better I promise **


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